Frozen peas

2007-03-14T10:12:00.000+01:00

So yeah, wanna see your house from space?

Click me to see

2006-09-22T22:04:00.000+01:00

Cigars are fucking COOL. If you can smoke like that, you don't need money, wit, or good looks. You're cool. Any fucker that tries to argue the point gets cigar smoke in their fucking face. The end.

And the award most fucking annoying key goes to......INSERT key. Come on WTF is the point of that key. If I want rid of the text, I'll fucking DELETE it. You did after all give me TWO fucking keys dedicated to this most menial of tasks, so why the fucking insert key you mad, bad sadistic fuck?

So one of the cats pooed under our bed. Cheeky little FUCKER. We can't tell who it was. In the style of a facist, I told both of them off. Pooey noses etc. I'm fucking sorry, but I'm not having pooing under the bed. You can fucking eat me if you think that's acceptable. Cheeky little shits. There's been other little presents here and there. Usually for me when I get back from work - I'm usually the first in.

Here's to poo presents.

2006-09-05T21:34:00.000+01:00

I've decided that DVD's are shite.

You spend loads of cash, and maybe watch half of them. What's the fucking point. I should've bought sweets instead of DVD's. I had a lolipop in the car on the way home, and felt fucking COOOOWAHOOL. But DVD's. Waste of fucking time. Sometimes, they print the inlay on the other side of the cover, and then have a translucent box, so when you open it, theres nothing but a blank looking fucking disc. WANKERS. Shouldn't it be fucking special? Am I the only one?

So the other thing that crossed my mind is the time I waste going to the toilet. I mean COME ON FOR FUCK SAKE. I was thinking that I'd like to try out a colostomy bag for a week. Just to see. You could go out - NO TOILET NEEDED. At home, miss exactly NONE of the football. NOT BAD. Another bonus is this, you get mugged - "What's in the fucking bag?"; "Here!" and fucking smash it in the fuckers face. SUR-Fucking-PRISE. Life's not all bad is it?

2006-09-03T15:54:00.000+01:00

I got this cup that is actually a cafetiere with a handle. It's FUCKING AMAZING. I've ditched all my teabags and am now drinking tea using leaves - although they don't look like leaves to be honest. Still I'm drinking the best tea I've had in YEARS.

Our cats just kill me right now. I've pretty much deleted TV from my entertainment requirements. These little pair of shits just hunt each other, or string, or a fly or whatever and it's SERIOUSLY funny. Clearing up the lumps of shit from the littertray is a fucking bind though. Two small creatures create such a fucking MOUND of shit every day. They beat me hands down. I'm so embarrased.

My car looks like it's finally fucking sorted out. It used to look like this

then this happened after some FUCKER stole it. I was fucking gutted to hear they didn't get fucked up as a result. Nevermind though eh, fucking insurance looks like sorting it out. I'll tell you this though, they're still a bunch of thieving bastards at the insurance company.

Thursday see's us out in the George for Curry and beer. I've finished a self-imposed alchohol fast for two weeks, and I'll tell you this much - it was fucking murder. All my friends are beer heads. In the evening when it's sunny, I like to have a beer in the sun. DENIED. When off for a curry, beer washes it down well. DENIED. On a friday evening a bottle of wine is spectacular. DENIED. I expected to feel good after a few weeks. NEGATIVE. I expected to be able to save money. NEGATIVE - I bought 6 bottles of coca cola. I sincerely thought I could go out without having a beer and enjoy it just the same. NEGATIVE. You know some people would get fucking worked up about it all and decide that they needed help, struggle through some fucking therapy class with some fucking 40-year-old virgin mentor. FUCK THAT. Fast is over.

So I'm in New York for St. Patricks day. I'm looking for digs man. Help me out.

2006-09-02T00:09:00.000+01:00

I DID A BIG FUCKING POST AND BLOGGER FUCKING DELETED IT WITH A CNTNG REFRESH.

I COME TO NYC FOR ST PATRICKS NEXT YEAR. SEE YOU FUCKING WIENERS THERE.

2006-08-24T20:12:00.001+01:00

I'm 2 weeks in to a 4 week alcohol fast.

I've learned that I'm so fucking boring.

2006-08-07T19:58:00.000+01:00

Charlie and Elsa are now my new drinking buddies. They've got claws and fur and are VERY cool. Way fucking cooler than me. Serious. They just look at me and are all "like I give a shit what you're saying".

Wedding fun. Wore my newly designated wedding uniform again. Got drunk etc.

I miss Blockbusters.

2006-08-03T14:26:00.000+01:00

So where do I begin?

Hardware failure here forced no computer
Car isn't sorted out yet. Still driving shit-tip. Gutted
Wedding this weekend (not mine)
Ireland last week
Devon 2 weeks before
Villa not yet bought - time's running out lads
Got two kittens - everybody 'Ahhhhhhhh'
Got kitten shit on my arm - eughhhh
Got a hundred quid back for my car tax from destroyed car - video to follow
Ate about 12 currys since July 10th
Took up Golf. Now I'm a real wanker
Had my hair cut - finally
Started my own fashion range Here
Bought LOADS of DVD's - Kalifornia - Shawshank Redemption - Taxi Driver - Heat - Minority Report - Carlitos Way - Aliens: Special Edition: 2dvd - Apocalypse Now - Collateral - Cape Fear - Beach - Platoon - Rambo: First Blood - Total Recall
Sorted out my cups and plates and pans cupboard. It's MINT.
Read The Beach in two days - pretty cool book, odd ending
Spent £60 on 12 bottles of wine
Drank most of them

Peace, much love and buy a fucking t-shirt

2006-07-10T22:41:00.000+01:00

I've been bowled over with a fucking hardware problem so have had to blog by phone web.

NO FUCKING GOOD.

I've got a GREAT business idea. IF you are a hairdresser, you should buy me presents, because I'm going to make us both VERY rich.

Wish me hardware luck.

TA

2006-06-28T18:07:00.000+01:00

So mixed grill ended up being EXPENSIVE curry.

I was taking a shit at work today, and there's three cubicles in the toilets, one end one had a dude in, the other end had no paper in, and I was in the middle. Suddenly some bloke came in, sat in the cubicle with no paper, and took a massive, soggy shit. Clearly NOT a paper checker. So five minutes passed, this guy must've had the fucking PALEST face when he realised. Seriously he did a fucking dribbler. LMFAO! So he gets up, flushes the toilet and walks out. He then TRIED to get in to my cubicle - READ THE FUCKING SIGN 'ENGAGED' - no luck there, same with the next cubicle, NO LUCK THERE, and then he gave up and walked (squelched) outside.

Somebody learned a fucking lesson today.

2006-06-27T18:11:00.000+01:00

Pure fucking genious. Total fucking ownage ability overflow.

I finished off Lost at the weekend. 30 episodes in one weekend. I got a bunch of questions for the next season, but I can't be fucked to write them now. PLUS it'll be a bit of a spoiler if you watch it now AND read my blog.

Like that's fucking possible.

The GREAT news is our canteen is bigger at work. This SHIT news is there's more people using it. There's no such thing as a free lunch I guess (har har). Still, it's nice to be able to choose something now. Water or Lemonade. This is advanced catering.

I'm going to have a fucking lovely mixed grill and some delicious beers tonight. Join me.

2006-06-25T02:40:00.000+01:00

Today I watched 20 episodes of Lost. I have square eyes.

I'm such a fucking loser. It was so sunny outside.

2006-06-24T03:11:00.000+01:00

Fuck so I am shitfaced. Girly is in SCOTLAND this weekend at hen event. Me, I'm just wildly doing what comes natural to a shithead.

So let me just fucking say this while I'm on free drunkard license. I was the fucking VICTIM of a crime, A FUCKING CRIME MAN. I GOT MY CAR FUCKED UP WHILE I WAS JUST MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS. AND FUCKING SO FAR, THE COPS AND THE FUCKING INSURANCE COMPANY COULDN'T GIVE A FUCK. So that's made me feel great. FUCKING A-ONE. I've got a great summer, a fucking amazing girly, an awesome place, and a fucking ACE job, and yet I feel like SHITE. I FEEL FUCKING PAYBACK COMING ON.

2006-06-22T18:20:00.000+01:00

What pisses me of more than my website host making a fuckup and my site being down for two days is the site being down, and me not fucking knowing. I've been far too wrapped up in the fucking football.

I've had two days off work with a fucker of a cold. But I did take some time out to notice stuff. Recently I watched that film with Kevin Spacey and Mena Suvari - what was it fucking called - fuck it it'll come to me. Anyway the film was ok, but in the film this fucking guy spoke this passage that has been stuck (fucking RAM JAMMED) in my head. He spoke about taking time to notice everything and how beautiful it all is. And while he did it he showed this footage of a plastic bag whirling around in the wind, and I'll tell it was fucking cool and very pleasing to watch. So I sat yesterday with Pink Floyd playing and I opened the back door and sat and looked at all the beautiful stuff. Just stuff that's there all the time, like the grass, trees, sky, birds, even stones. I can't FUCKING remember the name of that FUCKING FILM. How annoying.

You ever forget stuff you like? I bought fucking Branston Pickle. OH MAN. HOW GOOD IS THAT SHIT. Fuck it, I'm off for a sandwich NOW.

2006-06-18T19:47:00.000+01:00

Plumbing. The stuff of fucking dreams. Nightmares and fucking frightmares. I've been plumbing today. So fucking typically, I got soaked. But do you know what, I fucking NAILED it. Mostly thanks to Greyo and his guidance but hell, I killed it. There is nothing better than doing shit and it working. Especially when you thought "this shit will NEVER fucking work". These fucking plumbing joints I had to put in just looked like a real bollocks idea. In fact I nearly just said "Fuck this, I'll live without the new taps." See the taps in the kitchen, they fucking hurt your fingers to turn them on. The knobs you push against are tiny, and the taps are REAL FUCKING STIFF. So it hurts, and sometimes your thumb slips and you gouge your knuckle on the BASTARD tap. You see why in the end I decided to press on with the fucking dodgy joints. But FUCK ME, they were nowhere near dodgy. They just fucking went right in and did exactly what their packet said they'd do. I couldn't fucking believe it.

I really quite sceptical about fucking everything, you know.

Oh and I haven't fucking washed since Saturday morning. It's now Sunday Evening. I'm a fucking dirtbag scumhole.

Shower, pub, bed. The only way to spend Sunday.

2006-06-16T22:03:00.000+01:00

You know what. I'm burning up about alcoholica. It's like having this real fucking sexy aunt. It's so wrong, but you still look and think "Well right now, I can LIVE with it". Then ten minutes later you'll be like "I need to live in a CAVE. I'm deserving of nothing better". Thing is, I don't know if I REALLY REALLY REALLY could do without having a drink (regularly). I worry that perhaps you know this is a fucking problem. I get to thinking "Maybe I could take a month off if I wanted to". But it seems like such a fucking stubbornist point-proving approach to life. And I am not fucking stubborn. Try me.

Lately, I have developed a real FUCKOFF of a habit. I have these fucking DVD/CD pens that are really useful and stuff, and then I use them and everything's great. Then I turn into a fucking idiot. I leave the top off - and not for five minutes - for a fucking DAY. PEN DIES. I'm like the Pen Hitler. I can FUCK PENS UP. If it's not the fucking lid, then I eat the shit out of the end. Unless it's metal. I'm serious. I ate so many fucking pens, I went to a shop and paid Â£15 for a fucking metal pen. I still tried though, but fillings and metal pens teach you a quick (effective) lesson. So if you know any pens that FUCK you off, just send them to me.

I can help you.

I have the TALENT.

2006-06-16T17:53:00.000+01:00

Finding mp3 with Google is EASY PEASY. I'm going to share this with you.

Go to Google and type in EXACTLY the bold items below

intitle:"index of" -inurl:htm -inurl:html mp3

followed by the artist and/or songname.

It's fucking hit and miss sometimes, but generally it fucking ROCKS. If you know anything better.....share it here!

Of course I'm only fucking talking about legally available mp3.

2006-06-16T07:43:00.000+01:00

The best thing about Curry is afterwards. You've stuffed your fucking face with HOT shit (let's face it, it doesn't change colour or consistency - and sometimes fucking taste - from the time it goes in to the time it goes out). You've had the naan bread and that mint fucking sauce, and it's all over your shirt or whatever. And this is the bit that we all fucking love. The bit where you sit there and think FUCK ME, that nearly killed me, but I made it. I GOT TO THE END. I've been on the verge of fainting with sweat GUSHING off my fucking forehead, and made it to the end just so I can sit, drink beer and watch chimps eat NONcurrys. Yeah, yeah yeah I'm fucking purial and simple, and fucking shallow. But if you eat hot curries YOU know what the fuck I mean. Don't get me wrong, I'm no fire-eater. I'm fucking mid-range at best, but it's different for us all.

Somebody got fucked up outside while I was eating my curry. No fucking need.

2006-06-14T18:03:00.000+01:00

Fucking summer has ended. Rain, and then MORE fucking rain. You know England is pretty good at most stuff. No KILLER BEES, or FLATTENING EARTHQUAKES, civil war died down a while back, and I even get to vote. BUT THE FUCKING WEATHER IS ABOUT AS GOOD AS A WET FUCKING SOCK.

Check my SHARK shoes up there. I've scratched them a bit, but they'll survive. They're the fucking nuts. I feel like Edward Woodward in The Equaliser when I've got them on. No crim better fuck with me. I tell you. Didn't that show have the fucking COOLEST theme tune, and what a fucking intro when he's standing there in the mist in front of that car. THAT is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Not even fucking Robocop could look that cool.

I've got A LOT to do to be THAT cool.

2006-06-13T19:41:00.000+01:00

I'm still completely FUCKED OFF about my car. Which has ruined my leisure time.

Brazil
01 N Dida
02 M Cafu
03 F Lucio
04 S Juan
06 R Carlos
11 J Ze Roberto
05 F Emerson
10 G Ronaldinho
08 R Kaka
07 L Adriano
09 L Ronaldo

This team fucking owns everything.

Nothing of any interest whatsoever has occured in my life since Saturday. Apart from one cheeky cunt trying to do me out of a fiver from my change at the pub. The cheeky fucker. I stood and said "That was a bit expensive mate, can you tell me the individual prices so I can avoid the fucking MONEY PIT drink". And then there came the fiver - "oh sorry mate", yeah and FUCK YOU TOO, WINKLEDICK.

Good thing though, I've made a fucking killing so far at the world cup. BEERS ON ME.

2006-06-10T08:55:00.000+01:00

What a fucking blogshy I've been. But it's been a fucking SHITE week. Thanks for your emails you three. I concur all of them.

So this is what's down. The cops have located my car - and it's fucked. How fucked I don't yet know. I'm not allowed to see it.

Oh for five minutes with a fucking chainsaw. Even three would do.

NVM Shit happens and that's just fucking that isn't it my lovely bouncing web baby bloom readers.

I'm going to have a go at some time lapse stuff I reckon. Like just my fucking desk seat for a day or something. Or maybe an evening after work with beer and TV. Ha. That's probs the ticket.

I'm experiencing a fucking trend of severe disappointment. FUCKING JUNK MAIL. I get home and there's like SIX envelopes with my name on them. I'm like "OHHHOH! Now what could this be?! Some fucking money or something" and what the fuck is it? SOME SHIT ABOUT GETTING A CREDIT CARD OR A FUCKING SET OF CHAIRS OR SOME OTHER SHITE I DON'T FUCKING NEED! Now I've learned to live with email spam. The outlook rules are starting to really mature and I'm fucking DELIGHTED with the progress there. But this shit is un-fightable.

I'll tell you what though, shred the fucking lot and it makes EXCELLENT barbeque kindling. And someone else paid to give it to me. HA! Makes the fucking world a lot brighter when you get something free as the fucking rain.

2006-06-05T22:16:00.000+01:00

So my fucking car has been stolen.

I washed it fucking twice on Sunday too.

No blog in me.

2006-06-04T17:28:00.000+01:00

What a fucking amazing weekend. I went up to fucking Cumbria. That's in the fucking barren wastelands of the fair north. Way beyond beautiful Yorkshire. You see this girl I know who's a cracking good friend got married. So me and Girly drove up to see it. And fuck me, what a wedding.

This was like some shit from Hollywood. I shit you not. There was a barn, there were candlelights, there were little girls throwing petals on the floor. There was Pie and mash. I even did that magic trick where a 10p disappears.

I'm not going to pollute this post with any of my normal discussion.

Until tomorrow - Good Job Lou.

2006-06-01T19:39:00.000+01:00

Welcome back Rob

2006-05-31T18:41:00.000+01:00

So Blogger comments are shite. No blogname? you have to be fucking anonymous to leave a comment.

WTF?!

I'll tell you what pisses me off - people who have to pay with the right fucking amount of coins. I went and got some dinner today (Chicken + Salad + fucking Beans). I got some Milk to drink (which is cheaper than water OMG WTF?!). I then spent longer behind this FAT TURD who insisted on paying £3.84 EXACTLY using about a hundred coins. He hadn't prepared his coins beforehand - in fact his wallet was still in his pocket. WELL WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN WHEN YOU GOT TO THE FUCKING CHECKOUT YOU FUCKING BERK?! FUCK ME. I was so hungry I started to eat my dinner in the queue. Seriously. With my knife and fork I cut some chicken off and wolfed it down. So he gets his wallet out, and looks through all his cards. CASH ONLY KNOBBREATH. Then gets a five pound note out. GREAT STUFF. Puts it away and puts his fatass hand into his SWEATY groin pocket and fondles about (smiling I fucking SWEAR he was smiling). Eventually this enormous (chubby) hand pulls out a mountain of small value coins. With great patience and delight he counted out the cost of his cold fucking dinner.

I didn't even taste my fucking dinner.

2006-05-30T20:18:00.000+01:00

Now I'm fucked off. I've destroyed my site. I've pissed around putting wanksense adsense ads and then thought "my site looks a bit scruffy lets change it".

What a fucking big mistake that was.

Links = GONE
Cool shit about don't steal = GONE
Comments = GONE
traffic tracking = GONE
ANNOYING PROFILE OF ME = HUNG AROUND FOREVER UNTIL I FOUND AND ASSASINATED IT

What a fucking AMAZING waste of my time that was. Right well, that's fucked me off so much I'm stopping here.

2006-05-29T22:58:00.000+01:00

So I went to Mexico for a bit. And then I went to Devon and have just got back. Mexico was hot, and Devon was just alcoholic to be honest.

Swam with dolphins. Swam with turtles. Got sunburned. Drank LOTS of all inclusive.

[75mb] !!

I had lots to say.

You fancy a bet on Brazil at 2.85-1 ? read this first

2006-05-09T18:40:00.000+01:00

So Dan Brown can FUCK OFF.

Last year I read the fucking da vinci code - NO FUCKING CAPITAL LETTERS EARNED YOU TOSSER.

WHAT A PILE OF SHITE.

If you're thinking of reading this fucking schoolboy error then don't, unless you enjoy HATRED - like me. So I'd recommend it.

Oh man. Seriously, this fucking guy writes every chapter like it's the END OF THE WORLD IF YOU DON'T READ THE NEXT ONE. He's all '...and as he turned the corner he saw(!!!!).....[next chapter]...the next corner.

WANKER. I find ingredient lists more enthralling. The very, very worst thing in the world about that book is this. He took a semi interesting idea (Christ had kids) and turned it into a complete load of fucking DRIVEL. IF you make it to the end of the book as I AGGRESSIVELY did, you'll encounter perhaps the worst, most ridiculous, EMBARRASING ending to any fucking story ever. Worse than the fucking ARK or that STUPID fucking film with Richard Gere in that gay white uniform in the womens factory.

So yeah. That really got up my nose. But you should read it and form your own opinons blah blah blah

\it's shite/

I got some new shoes. They're fucking SHARK shoes. Not made from sharks, but LOOK LIKE SHARKS. They make me feel very cool.

2006-05-07T00:47:00.000+01:00

mmmmm Alcohol.

Inducement to fun..

So long my honey riders. I'm going to bed.

2006-05-04T22:26:00.000+01:00

I got to thinking about stuff. It strikes me that we worry about stuff. But stuff that isn't so important. Like "Oh MY FUCKING GOD my phone is completely shit" or "oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck I got a parking ticket, BASTARD!". And you know that shit is like so fucking unimportant really. It just doesn't fucking count. So why are we all getting so fucked up on unimportant shit, then forgetting to say "Hi" to the people that count. It's just fucking wrong.

I could go my WHOLE fucking life without ever saying shit like that. Without pointing out that the big shit is actually just the little itty-bitty shit. I've got Blog freedom though, and I don't mind sharing with you, my beautiful bouncing web baby.

Take me for example. I've got a fucking bunch of grey hair. So many fucking shallow people I know say shit like "you should dye your hair" or "oh man why have you grown that?", I'm like "Hey FUCK YOU. This is MY FUCKING HAIR. I WANT to fucking SEE it, and I'll tell you what, you can fucking EAT ME because I'm not stopping baby. I'm fucking Rock 'N' Roll Hotdog honey, I'm fucking A to the mutherfuckering K BIG BOY. So float me over there and PIPE THE FUCK DOWN." You know, it's me. ME, and that's all. I don't need fucking brown hair. I don't need COOLISM. I watched people try to invent cool, and I watched them never get laid. I don't care if you don't like silver fucking hair.

I DO.

IT'S MINE.

And I'm growing it - - - Just for you.

2006-04-24T17:26:00.000+01:00

So Gods was pretty fucking amazing. I'm pretty blogged out = been making a myspace thing which is a bit fucking gay if you ask me. Let's fucking try this shit out though.

Tonight, I'm taking Girlie out, and we're seeing the London Symphony Orchestra play Beethovens 5th, and 9th. So fucking EAT ME. She doesn't know where we're going yet. She probably thinks we're going for a curry or something like that. Ha! She's gonna be fucking BOWLED over.

Never use GlowSticks. NEVER unless you're stranded in a fucking cave or something. They're like Caravans. Great for you, but RUIN it for everyone else. Selfish bastard.

2006-04-19T17:02:00.000+01:00

Let me share this with my beautiful bouncing web-baby. My fingers are fucking disintegrating. No shit. They're so messed up I can't play guitar for very long. I haven't a fucking scooby what it is, and neither has my fucking SHITE GP. I'm off to some fucking specialist sometime when he or she can get round to seeing me, to figure out what the fuck is eating my phlanges away. It even fucking hurts to type with certain fingers. Bummer major city.

It has not yet got in the way of sleeping, eating or drinking, so I guess it's so much of an emergency.

Been checking out Sesame Street. That clip tripped me out when I was about four years old. I've never since recovered, alcohol has replaced the thrill of the number 6 though.

In Godskitchen on Saturday. Say hi.

2006-04-12T11:23:00.000+01:00

So I'm not dead or anything. Which is pretty fucking surprising considering the SHIT that happens daily.

I'm off to Ireland soon with my AWESOME new car, if you want to join me then I'll fucking see you there.

I'm thinking about straight podcasting. Maybe this is the future. Learn about it at www.podcastwares.com. What do you think?

2006-02-26T21:45:00.000+01:00

I've ordered a fucking BRAND NEW CAR. HA. Complete with extra specs. FUCK YES. So I've got a few quid and I'm pissed off driving an old car. And it's all fucked up. So in the end it was easy peasy.

I went to the dealer and said "Hey, I'm gonna get a quote off you - think it over at home, and then call all the other dealers to improve it." What did they do?....Gave me a massive discount to make the sale.

Eat me.

Just fucking eat me. Put the ketchup and the mustard all over me, get a big bread bun, and wolf me down.

I'm REAL happy.

I've been on my own all weekend as Girly is in her hometown with family, and I decided to sort car stuff out. I thougth at first it'd be awesome fun, and indeed it was. However it's gotten real boring. I've ended up fucking TIDYING.

WTF?!

OMG!

So yeah that sucks. It hasn't stopped me finding beer and then making it disappear. OH NO.

But listen, don't forget Betfair, I've made a packet on the poker game they have. Just take a tenner in. That's all. Hell you'll get £20 free for that link I've got. I nailed Chelsea this week on BF. Just MSN me if you've got any questions. You chimp.

Ever lose stuff? Doesn't it make you fucking FURIOUS. I keep doing that lately. Fucking Alzheimers has come on early, and it's all just PISSING ME OFF.

I even tidied my computer cables up.

I'm so sad, I might start knitting soon. Please, come and join me for a beer.

2006-02-24T10:51:00.000+01:00

My car is probably going to get written off now. I loved my car very much. And my neck/back is very sore.

Until legal action is completed, I can't discuss the case. I've always wanted to say that.

Awesome birthday. Had haircut. Been to Birmingham. Made some money on cards. Still in love with monitor. Having very strange dreams.

The other night this guy in the pub - older guy, real fucking grumpy - kept staring at me now and then. Eventually he told me that I was too fucking loud. I really let rip at him and told him to fuck off to the other end of the pub if he didn't like noise, and that it's a public house for a good reason. I told him he was Bang Out Of Order - to which he replied 'No you are' - WELL OUCH HOW FUCKING COOL ARE YOU. MISERABLE TOSSER.

And they all lived happily ever after.

2006-02-10T18:28:00.000+01:00

It's my birthday tomorrow, so lemme hear a big shout out for me.

Ta.

I've been busy on betfair and have made some good cash on the cards game. So, I'm having a beer.

A free beer.

Here's to you.

2006-02-05T20:18:00.000+01:00

So I've been in fucking Berlin. It's an amazing place. Just go and see it, those guys have gone through some serious shit. Not like my shit or your shit, SERIOUS shit.

I felt humble.

If you like to gamble, check this. It works, I've already done it myself with a friend.

I got this LCD monitor now - 20.1" of pure visual fuckmeup. It's incredible. And I got a big comfy chair on wheels. Heh. I'm the Grand Daddy Mac.

Not a good time be Danish eh?

2006-01-14T10:55:00.000+01:00

Last night - lots of guys, lots of beer. I sound gay.

I slept on a sofa last night, near the pub where we spent the night. The fucking thing was about half a foot to short for me, so I became bowed all night. On top of this the fucking cushions kept on coming off the settee when I rolled over, so I'd have to fucking get up and put them back. What a shit nights sleep.

Nice Chicken Kebab though.

2006-01-11T19:22:00.000+01:00

Well well my ever present web reader, last year was pretty good fun. I've kind of summarised lots of it in a post elsewhere and won't bother to do it in detail again because I'm the Fonz. Key things occurred for me this year.

1) I discovered Pink Floyd when they played @ Live8
2) I stopped wasting money on rent and bought a house with girly
3) I started to grow my hair

I'm thinking about the year ahead and what I should do. So here's my plan

1) Learn Saxophone - it is rather cool isn't it
2) Spend more time with my friends (getting collectively drunk)
3) I don't know

Everyone's really fired up for this kind of shit, but I'm so apathetic about it all. I reckon that planning to do stuff and then failing to achieve makes you feel bad. Fuck it. You know what, it doesn't matter really. It doesn't matter at all. Stuff just happens and you have to deal with it there and then, and plans can go and fuck off. So, yeah. There's things I'd like to do more and things I'd like to do less. But there are things I don't yet know and perhaps they're more important than the things I want or don't want.

2006-01-09T22:54:00.000+01:00

So happy new fucking year etc. It's all about me. But you know something huh, you're just the fucking same so don't sit there like butter wouldn't melt in your mouth. It'd flow right down your chin, and splash onto your lap, then drizzle round to the underside of your leg and drip loudly on to your cold, uncarpeted floor. And make a fucking mess. So just don't.

I got my camera in the end. And my hair has gone out of control. But you know what. I fucking like it that way. Right now work is like eating cockroaches.

I thought of tons of good blog material while I was on vacation, but I forgot it all once I got drunk. You know how it happens yeah. It's my Birthday next month. Eleventh to be exact. I'll be in the George in Wanstead to start with. Come by. But make sure you get me a beer while you're there. I've NO idea of a fucking plan. Why should I. It's your round.

2005-12-17T22:29:00.000+01:00

So the end of the working year has come, and in true form I got shitfaced last night, and threw up all over the South Woodford Tube Station. What was remarkable was how tasty my puke was as it was exiting my mouth. Honestly, I'd just had a KFC to partner all the beer, and it wasn't too bad to retaste. That said, I wasn't jubilant about the whole thing. What then followed in the morning was pain beyond belief. At half ten, I agonised my way to the bathroom to begin throwing up, after a single tiny hurl, I spent another five minutes wretching my guts up but delivering no puke. I was all LISTEN YOU FUCKING SHIT STOMACH FUCK, THERE'S FUCK ALL LEFT IN THERE SO STOP MAKING ME FUCKING HURL!!!!!!!! Five minutes it took.

So nobody's given me any cash, but I've ordered the new camera. It's a fucking sugar sweet Optio S6. I've got my Altoids box ready baby.

My head hurts.

2005-12-10T22:45:00.000+01:00

Still recycling pictures.

It's quarter to ten on a Saturday night. I'm at home. I'm sober.

FOR FUCK SAKE.

I'm going to get shitfaced. Right here.

Somebody mail me before I DIE OF NORMALITY.

2005-12-07T17:00:00.000+01:00

So I've totally destroyed my camera. No more fucking wired pictures until I replace it with this. Help me if you like, until then it's old pictures, or 'borrowed' ones.

If you find yourself in London this Friday, look me up at the coolest Brazilian bar going - Guanabara.

The japs made a mp3 playing toilet seat. Pure fucking genious. Should've won the turner prize.

I bought more alcohol, so, yeah I've got stuff to do.

2005-11-30T14:22:00.000+01:00

I hear all over the place that "men don't understand women", "women are really complicated", "Dude, my chick is in one of those woman moods", "women are these difficult, complex emotional people"

Conversely I hear "Oh men are just simple creatures", "Easily pleased", "Sex driven" etc. I'm sure you hear the same.

Thing is, I think that actually, women don't have the slightest clue about men at all. Further, I think that they don't know where to begin to understand them.

Example
-------
Put me in a big powertool shop, and I'm happy and engrossed for ages. Put me in a clothes shop, and I can't wait to get the fuck out. Blokes will all (mostly) agree with me on this one.

Example
-------
Going to the pub means staying there until I've finished whatever I have to do. It does not mean running to a strict timetable.

Example
-------
Cooking is great, but it's also extremely boring and keeps me away from TV/pub/computer/girly(naked).

Example
-------
Films are meant to be watched in the dark with the volume up full. Furthermore on films, gritty realism stamps all over romantic comedy. Romcom is just so fucking dull and predictable. Why do you watch it? lemme see....hot chick (doesn't see that she is), going out with real bastard, gay male friend hates him, meets other guy (nice, very handsome) with crazy ex-wife (hilarious capers), nice guy woo's her, gives sentimental birthday present showing (shallow) insight into hot chicks mind, real bastard cheats on hot chick with guy's ex-wife, guy and hot chick eventually get married (with ex-wife catching the bouquet). Fucking easy-peasy.

Example
-------
What the fuck do I need those cushions for?

Example
-------
Let's see one of your bridges love?

You get the idea, I am totally convinced that women really don't know what makes guys tick. They think so, generally sex and watching sport. But that's just for starters.

I reckon we're the complicated ones...

Casino Blue are a band that are awesome, and upcoming. There are a few tracks on their site - check them out.

But the biggest fucking irony is that George Best died on the day they announced 24hr drinking licenses in England.

2005-11-25T19:59:00.000+01:00

England is getting steadily colder and colder. We've become the beer fridge of Europe (and we can sell it 24hrs a day now!). In fact, it's started to become more and more like Scotland. I guess that means a bunch of arrogant wankers will invade shortly and oppress the English for 1000 years.

Cars are so expensive you know. It's a never ending pot of cost. I worked out that my car costs about 2K a year to run. Thats pounds baby, POUNDS. That includes all costs. Lot of money. It's about forty bucks a week. That's a piss up.

Gutted.

And my wine is FINALLY running out. I wouldn't be surprised if my piss turned a deepeer shade of red. It probably tastes as good as the shite I've been drinking. But you know. Fuck it. Georgie Best couldn't say no, and neither can I - especially on a Friday night.

Word to Fisher and his MacGuyver crusade. EVERY FUCKING EPISODE BABY, EVERY LAST ONE.

2005-11-17T17:56:00.000+01:00

PISS COLD is what it is here.

Absolutely piss cold. I've started trying to burn my carpets just to keep warm. My heating is taking far too long to heat up, and my tea has gone cold in the blink of an eye. Why do Polar bears look so happy when it's so cold? I don't know. I'll tell you this for free though (put big light on...Garlic Bread?!)...I'm going to wear five jumpers this evening and scream at my neighbours TURN YOUR HEATING ON YOU TIGHT ARSE BASTARDS! WHY AM I HEATING YOUR FUCKING HOUSE TOO? I'd kill to live in a detached house.

In a hot place.

The ulcer on my tongue is like a really annoying person that keeps ringing me to say "So what are you doing NOW?"

What would you do, drink the wine, or just sit there?

2005-11-12T22:32:00.000+01:00

When I said I'd fixed my camera, that was cool. Thing is I've lost it now. AND it has developed a dark patch at the bottom left of the picture, so I'm guessing if stays lost, then that's a sign. Kind of like that feeling you get when you've lost your beer in club or pub and you're like "Yeah, so which one of these four pints is mine....is it worth the gamble - herpes or cold sores if I get it wrong?". You get the picture (not without a camera harhar). I deleted my hosting account in July, and I'm feeling the pain. I might have to dig deep.

Those of you who have never played Unreal Tournament or anything like should skip this paragraph and GOTO the next paragraph, because I'll sound seriously geeky, and you'll get bored. La de da de da de da da da da la. Those of you left will be on my level now. I'm on trial to join the DBDUK squad that takes part in Red Orchestra (click the link on the left..or below if you have a shite resolution setting). I've played for a while now, though haven't discussed it here. It's a WW2 eastern front FPS game, and - in short - it kicks ass. As a seasoned gameplayer I've never come across such a realistic game, read this for a more detailed exposÃ©. This is clearly something I'm very (VERY) pleased about.

If you skipped the last paragraph when I told you to, essentially you followed a GOTO statement, which makes you BASIC. Fucking GEEK-owned baby. GEEK-OWNED.

I've had the house to myself for most of the day. Girlies haven't a clue about how to spend a day on their own. They'd argue they do, but let's be honest, blokes can enjoy a day without company easily, whereas girlies think about stuff...and people....and friends...and family...and what other people are thinking....and BANG they've rung someone. Today, I made Bacon sandwiches (EIGHT FUCKING RASHERS [smoked back] for two sandwiches - YES PLEASE), I replaced the Universal joint on my cars steering assembly, I played Red Orchestra, and isnooker, I burned a DVD for one of my bestest buddies (a 'blokes' DVD - Jenna kills me), I finished making a wooden foot stool, I cut the grass (YES IN NOVEMBER - FUCK ME!), I plugged my guitar in - for the first time in probably a month, I'm about to cook two of Tesco's finest Pizza's, I listened to Dark Side of the Moon twice. You see - Robinson Crusoe style, get on with it.

So fuck me, I wrote loads. Let's see one of your websites then?

2005-11-08T09:34:00.000+01:00

It's early and I want to take the day off, but I also need to go to work as I have shit I want to get done. It's a "Flash, Flash, I love you but we only have 24 hours to save the Earth" feeling. I'm going, there's no two ways about it. Perhaps I'll write a journal in a .txt file and send it home and blog it.

Or perhaps that's a totally shit idea, like getting drunk on Tuesdays.

Manchester owned me. I've had a toilet obsession this weekend. This wall served as a toilet. I KNOW! Look at it! It's freekin beautiful. And I got to piss on it. Beyatch. It's found at Lime.

Next toilet event was in the Services at Leicester Forest East. You know that incident where you're in need of a massive shit, but the toilets look like they're made of diseases. I armoured the toilet up. It was fucking rank.

I'd better fucking go. I'm late as it is.

This post is dedicated to Georgie Boy. The greatest Republican Leader in the world ever. Despite the world hatred for him, you've got to love him. More later.

2005-11-02T20:17:00.000+01:00

I fixed my camera, and then BROKE my fucking car. I have to fix it tomorrow because I go to Manchester at the weekend for fun.

My hair is growing. I'm not cutting it for ages. I'm going to be a hippy.

This is where I do stuff

This is my favourite dinner - sausage and bacon sandwiches

For now though, I'm going to delete the contents of a bottle of shite red wine.

Just for fun you know.

This was me on Sunday.

Ta

2005-10-28T14:20:00.000+01:00

Yeah, I'm A-Spec'ing the Nurburgring 24h, and am 4h19m in (36 laps done). If you don't know what that means, don't worry about it. If you do, I am due maximum respect. I'm A-specing all the way baby. 24h of the stuff.

I think my camera is broken.

2005-10-22T19:03:00.000+01:00

It starts with a guy who wakes up on a cheap plastic sofa in a shitty flat with a hangover, and sees too many cigarette butts in a coffee cup, a pizza box with a few bits of cheese left, empty beer cans everywhere, and a very bad case of stubble. The beige cloth covering the window lets some of the day in, but it's not early.

That was the fking book I was writing until I forgot about it, and deleted my hard drive contents. So fuck the book. Who needs it. There's so many anyway. Writing a book without knowing what's gonna happen is a fkn lame idea anyway.

I've got a fuckload of French wine, and it's shit. All of it. I bought it while I was there. I had 200 euros in my wallet (it's not even real fucking money) and was leaving the next day, so I decided to go and fill up the fucking car with wine. Shit idea. SHIT IDEA. Turbo fucking SHIT IDEA. I should have made window sticker out of the money, and put it in my car window.

I got a garage with my house, and it's got loads of bloke stuff in there. My stuff. Like lawnmower (petrol you fucker, petrol), bits of wood, oil, car bits, paint, concrete, barbeque, gravel bag, car cleaner, saw, Jerry can of petrol - you get the picture. Anyhow, today I was in it, and I thought Fuck me, this would capture the essence of me more than anything else, if I was hit by a fucking lorry. That garage would be the best way to get to me if you know what I mean. It totally fucking oozes ME. I stood and looked around at all the arranged stuff, and took it all in with deep heavy breaths. Maybe this sounds like shit to you, but this is my blog so - eat me. So that was fucking deep shit.

My phone bill for last month came in. 113 pounds. I'd better SHUT THE FUCK UP.

I forgot this picture from France. The food sucked while I was there, as I've already discussed. LOL @ ME

I'm working on the wine tonight. Maybe I'll post some poetic shit later when I think it sounds good.

HAHAHAHA this was in my referrers. Look what you've searched for, and look whats at tenth or so.

Hail Mary etc.

2005-10-21T20:17:00.000+01:00

I had some frozen dinner, and squeezed it into a jug to defrost, and I smashed the jug (strong you see), and cut my self

It's ok though. I sorted it out. You can see where I put my mouth over it to clean it up while looking for towel.

Stings now.

I'm in Germany on Monday with work meeting some dudes who make stuff. Back Wednesday. I expect to get extremely drunk. Join me.

2005-10-19T17:09:00.000+01:00

My hair is short. Change of direction. Now growth is good.

Except early on Sunday mornings

My toenail got big, but the rest didn't. WTF is that about?

Can you believe people have fetishes about feet! Look at my toes.

Feel sexy?

No, me neither.

I got FIVE chicks staying in my house on Saturday night.

Fuck YES!

I told Girly they would be OK in our bed. ACCESS DENIED.

If only I could figure a hack to grant access.

Help with this is good,

2005-10-15T22:28:00.000+01:00

So Summer's over. I wore a fucking jumper this week. Shit happens.

This week has been substantially quiet. Apart from Ireland bowing out of the world cup. Shit team, shit play, no hope of scoring. Just shit really. Shame, some of the players weren't shit..some were

Yes Clinton, you were fucking awful. You couldn't even get a place in the Birmingham team.

Please train harder.

I went to an amazing birthday last week in Kensington (I guess that makes me fucking posh).That was fun. We even went in a fucking limo. Pwned.

I discovered an interesting thing this week. Drinking wine straight from the bottle is refreshingly direct. Try it. Drop airs and graces and do it. It's lovely.

I ordered two t-shirts from some dodgy french company

I can now fag-it-like-France.

I'm generally in a state of boredom. Apart from my family coming to England to see me next month, I've not got much planned. I need to get my arse into gear and go and do some stuff.

Hmpf.

2005-10-07T22:06:00.000+01:00

Breathe, breathe in the air
Don't be afraid to care
Leave but don't leave me
Look around and chose your own ground
For long you live and high you fly
And smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry
And all you touch and all you see
Is all your life will ever be

Run, rabbit, run
Dig that hole, forget the sun,
And when at last the work is done
Don't sit down, it's time to dig another one
For long you live and high you fly
But only if you ride the tide
And balanced on the biggest wave
You race toward an early grave.

2005-09-12T22:38:00.000+01:00

GOD

Villa lost 4-0. I'm in the shit.

2005-09-12T17:48:00.000+01:00

France - my 'holiday'

They can't:

make signposts
look over their shoulders when joining a "motorway"
build a proper motorway
cook a STEAK YOU PERVERTS
avoid eating horse steak (Cheval is horse dude, HORSE)
be friendly
understand cricket
make a decent cup of coffee
identify a bad pitch for a tent
prevent credit card fraud (TOSSERS)
accept that England + United States SAVED THEIR ASSES
drive permanently in the fast lane (what's wrong with that then eh?)
make a decent beer (don't try to tell me any form of Lager is beer)
run a frickin' campsite.

End of

I'm going to Upton Park tonight to watch Villa beat West Ham. Loads of my collegues are misguided West ham fans who think they'll "batter" us.

Yeah right. Eat me.

Finished Rambo - AWESOME Book. Now reading Dreamcatcher by El Kingo (Stephen King).

James Milner. Word.

2005-08-30T21:35:00.000+01:00

So the following happened:

I bought a house with girly
We moved in
We had a massive house party, and guy came round to complain about noise
I was bought a power drill. It's amazing
I replaced the wishbone on my car
I bought a new guitar (another one) a Fender Stratalike ;)
I changed my hosting package and lost most of my cool shit (Dumbfuck)
My dog isn't very well
I changed my job a little bit
I passed my motorbike basic training [FUCK YEAH]
I made an unattended XP installation with slipstreamed office XP
I went home to Ireland and caught a fish, and my dog had it
I discovered Media Player 10
I finally got an appointment with a fucking skin specialist for my flakey finger
I bought a case of Old Speckled Hen
I built fucking loads of furniture
I saw War of the Worlds, and was the only person I've met that really enjoyed it. Fuck you all.
I lost my 17mm socket
I found my bluetooth headset
I didn't get Foo Fighters tickets - gutted
I got shitfaced in Notting Hill, and didn't at all feel like Hugh Grant
I watched a lot of cricket
I bought some new Pliers (£15!)
I haven't been to the gym in any of that time
I started a savings account
I discovered buy one get one free on collections from Dominos
I've started reading First Blood again (third time)
I spent money on a wardrobe
I raided my savings
I let the grass in my garden go fucking wild, then rolled in it.
I decided that on my 38th birthday I'd like a new Porsche (ten year target)
I geeked up massively on Civ3
I owned and got owned on Red Orchestra
I bought CD's for the first time in years - the ownership experience counts I've decided

I can't think what else. I've been fucking busy.

I'm going on holday at the end of the week, so yeah, bye again.

2005-05-21T20:25:00.000+01:00

June 2nd @ 19:22 ---- London Liverpool Street Station

Fucking see you there!

I'm packing my stuff now to fucking move, so haven't got time to surf for shite.

Isn't it funny how people are becoming increasingly paranoid about the envronment in which they live? We have more security now than ever before, and yet fear just keeps on rising. Access perhaps? Maybe. My take is Fuck It. Live a little, or live a lot.

Girly has farted nearby and it's fucking RANK.

I made this

Gotta go pack some more items.

Ta

2005-05-17T17:26:00.000+01:00

Vision Gran Turismo on the PS3 (thats Playstation 3) video to download [10.8mb].

FUCK ME THEY NAILED IT THIS TIME.

No more for now.

2005-05-13T14:46:00.000+01:00

What a fucking ACE week I've had. I got sick on Wednesday with some piece of shit cold, and have been off fucking work since. Worst is, Bullet (MY AWESOME FUCKING BAND) are due in the studio tonight, and I don't know if I'm up for it. I'll get some type of alcohol containing drink into my system, and see what happens I guess.

I've removed the Churchill speech now, as I've got fuck all room on my server, and I wanted to share this - Raging Fred [2.8mb] with you. Sheer fucking genious. Make sure you stop whatever you're doing and watch this. Fred Flinstone meets Jake La Fucking Motta.

On the subject of cool shit, please go to Robs site and watch "Stealth Disco". I won't dis him by posting it here, instead I want you to go there and see it. A bit like mobile-disco from a few months back.

Yeah, so fucking happy drinking.

2005-05-08T10:34:00.000+01:00

VE DAY

My Grandad served in the war. He survived the war, but isn't with us today.

Go and give thanks somewhere for all those that did so much.

And listen to Winston Churchill's "Never Surrender" speech from June 4th, 1940. All of it. He sets out the stall for the war to come.

Here [5.7Mb]

2005-05-06T23:51:00.000+01:00

So fucking Oasis were on Jonathan Ross tonight, and were absolutely shite.

I'm really - REALLY - fucked off about that. For a while at least they represented all that was good about Rock N Roll (fuck apostrophes). I came of age to Definitely Maybe and the associated singles of DM and Morning Glory (Feel the Noize anyone?). In fact Feel the Noize was the tester I used for my 2x150watt stereo at full volume in halls of residence - FUCK YES. I also went two nights without sleep across the Knebworth gig - late sorting out of trains meant I got there the night before (winner). I ended up hanging out with the ppl who had all been to the gig that day and were waiting for the train in the following morning. Not a bad way to pass time I guess. I kind of lost them after that for a while. Be Here now failed to ROCK the shit out of me, as did Shoulder of Giants. I kind of hooked them again with The Hindu Times. It was their Back In Black I reckon. Still -

I guess I'm saying that tonight, they just didn't hit me where I live (Try Lithium from Nevermind). I'm waiting for the new stuff - Lyla sounds like a wank when I'm after a blowjob. I'm hopeful, and I'll buy it even if it's shite. But please PLEASE deliver.

Bullet are in the studio next Friday.

2005-05-05T23:02:00.000+01:00

Election day here.

Votes are coming in.

I made this

Before I move, I'm selling my shit here. Check it. PSYCHE.

Netbux works. It absolutely fucking works!

Beertime

2005-05-04T23:01:00.000+01:00

Been busy today eh,

Been down memory lane check some of my fave's

Ajayonline
Ratatak

Awesome stuff.

FYI evoflash.com is alive and well.

One more thing, I did that pic below specifically to get it on entensity.

2005-05-04T18:41:00.000+01:00

I made this

LOL

2005-05-04T12:44:00.000+01:00

'It got broken'

It was working,
Until I got it,
It started jerking,
And so I shot it.

It went up in flames,
Made a big mess,
Left loads of staines,
Still remain I guess.

I bought a new one,
Cost me loads,
I threw out me gun,
Slammed me door closed.

Now it's pretty cool,
Everything works fine,
I'm no more a fool,
My new clock's right on time.

hehehe what shite.

2005-04-25T18:57:00.000+01:00

I'm going to Yorkshire at the weekend - there's a party in Horsforth, and there's some Ale that's been made just for me to drink. Rude not to eh,

Tonight, I'm in Camden at the Barfly seeing Agent Blue. I'm really quite looking forward to these guys. Up the fucking Villa.

Nothing left to say.

2005-04-24T22:42:00.000+01:00

Sunday night - Land of shite,

Unless of course you have Monday off. I'm in this week up to Thursday, then I've got Friday off, and the following week. FUCK YES SWEETHEART. I'm going to put my feet up and do as little as possible. I reckon I could manage to stop breathing for a day or two if I tried hard enough not to. Laziness is a gift and one that should be cherished and nurtured. Having the gift of not caring is crucial to my day to day survival and stresslessness. Perhaps I should write about it more often. Church of Me. Or Me-dom. Sounds too much like medium, which is completely uninteresting.

Interesting people make the rest of us look normal - when we're probably not. Rock'n'Roll is the outpouring of normality that I associate with. Peace bitches,

2005-04-20T20:59:00.000+01:00

For Mission 34...

Nurburgring Videos Online

Right Click and Save as

GT3

Westfield in the wet

996 drift

BMW

You can only download two of the next three at any one time

956

GT3

993RS

I might go to the ring in the summer.

See you there,

2005-04-18T20:32:00.000+01:00

If you play GT4, then you'll know just what the pictures above mean to me. Mission 34 baby. Mission thirty-fucking-four. After about 150 goes, I got it.

As you see on the left, my team's gotten out of the shit which is GREAT news, I lost to Dave though which was a bit of a bummer.

I listened to Nevermind on Sunday afternoon coming back from a party (nice one Steve et chicks). It must be at least seven or eight years since I listened to that album all the way through, and it just KICKED MY FUCKING ASS REAL, REAL HARD.

Up the Villa. Nice one. Fuck YES.

And finally, thanks to Stav for his very generous and completely unexpected linkage. I have read Stav for a while now, having found him via Merk and was sorry to see him go. But like an episode of Fools and Horses, he's back and better for it.

Enough now,

2005-04-10T13:52:00.000+01:00

So apple juice is really nice. I prefer to use Robinsons High Juice, but standard apple juice is good too. The ready made stuff can be a little sharp so I tend not to bother with that stuff. What pisses me off though is that people call Cider apple juice - which is plain bollocks. Cider tastes like shit, get's you far too pissed far too quickly and make's you look like a wufter. Apple juice tastes great, doesn't make you puke up your Colon, and you look slick when drinking it as a casual juice drink instead of \yawn/ boring orange juice.

So you see, I know the shit is true.

This is my current love in GT4. The ZZII. My life has slowed down to a constant compromise of time to do everything else Vs time to play GT4. Those who suffer with me know the struggle, those that don't - don't know.

Biscuits are nice with tea. Do you have biscuits in America?

2005-04-09T13:59:00.000+01:00

I got my new phone, and it KICKS ASS. I've already got a few Chemical Brothers Vids on there. Read about it and weep with jealousy. While most of you fuckers are probably still running around with this heap of shit, I am Daddy Mac Sr, with this beautiful machine.

Enough geekism. Dave-O has challenged my AWESOME footy team, so he's going to recieve a sound thrashing next Saturday. Get yourselves a team and join the hilarious joy.

This is brilliant. I want to be on the next one.

I went to see The Departure at London Uni on Thursday. They were pretty good, but I preferred the support act. In light of the event, we've decided to start a regular new-live-band-viewing-event. We're up for regular non-weekend gigs in London - weekend gigs are crap. Next one is weird war.

So, yeah - WORD. Fucking see you there.

2005-04-05T07:57:00.000+01:00

Tommy Hammer to leave, Lee Bowyer to join? It's all very interesting at Villa park. The £20m spending spree should be exciting too.

I found a house, we just need to do a fuckload of paperwork to get it bought. That little pen lump on my middle finger is going to grow over then next few weeks. Perhaps I should start penlumpwatch.

Itsagoal.com has started back up - it's a free daily online champ manager style game. Fully, FULLY recommended (to get you sacked).

Ta

2005-03-29T16:51:00.000+01:00

Mark Cuban is on a campaign. He kicks ass, and I wish him well.

2005-03-28T22:23:00.000+01:00

Yorkshire KICKS FUCKING ASS.

I've had an ace holiday. I'm up to 11% on GT4, and I've not yet managed to return my camera - which is exhibiting a crack. I did manage to open a joint bank account with girly, so you see it's all gotten serious. Hell we're even house hunting (to fucking buy baby, to fucking A1 buy).

Do me a massive favour (UK people for now). Make sure you go and fucking vote when the election is on. Don't fucking whine and piss and moan. Get off your arse, and put the fucking 'X' wherever you think is best. I watched some TV this week, and the fact that we can nominate our own leader makes us privileged, other folks round the world just ain't that fucking lucky. So go and fucking exercise your right to vote.

Otherwise you're a fucking hippy.

2005-03-24T01:46:00.000+01:00

Great stuff. I love beer. It's a damning indictment some would say, that my happiest times are usually amongst beers and the people that come with them.

The tragic thing is that I feel slightly bad about saying that. Which means I've got nothing good to say about my good times. Pretty serious, and pretty fucking heavy downer from me I know, but sometimes a little introspection does the soul good. I've thought about alternatives, and to be honest I couldn't give a flying fuck for them. I like beers and it's down to me to accept this and embrace it. Once I've done that, I'll move on - and upwards.

I'm going up North for a few days, and have to say I'm really looking forward to it. The North inspires me so much. It's so rich in it's own culture. London is so diverse, it's a plastic, quick-release, easy-open, vacuum sealed, one-size-fits-all bullshit receptacle. I hate it. I'm not racist, or nationalist or any shit like that. I'm a full-on fuck-it kind of guy, but the empty headed easy-clean London get's on my nerves in the same way having to fucking shave does. Don't get me wrong - it's a great, great place. There's just so much to do, but I think that perhaps it's lost it's own identity. Up North, you know you're up North. Down here, you could be fucking anywhere, apart from up North.

Thanks to Anti for saying wb. This one's for you...(let it load)

E.

2005-03-20T19:38:00.000+01:00

I love holidays. I'm off all this week for no good reason. HELL YES.

My car got fucking broken in to last month. I fucking swear I'd love to catch someone at it again. I will not incriminate myself online, from which you can decipher whatever you like.

A whole bottle of wine in about 3/4 hour last night didn't knock me out - I'm a beer dude, NOT a wine dude so it was pretty good going. It didn't taste so good however, and the bedroom this morning smelt like a shitting pit at a festival. Shocking. Furthermore, I dreamed about a car that I owned that wouldn't start. It pissed me off so much I had to get up at 0820hrs this morning. How FUCKED UP is that. Sunday pre-9a.m. You oughta thank your lucky stars you don't dream the shite I do.

Thanks to Villa for a HUMILIATING display.

I've had enough for now.

If you own Unreal Tournament 2004, please visit Red Orchestra for quite possibly the finest mod of all time. It's where I seem to spend most of my time right now. If you don't own UT04, you should.

Geek time now. Bye

2005-03-17T00:21:00.000+01:00

Yeah, so I'm here. I'm still fucking breathing.

Tell me what you've been doing while I was away.

I was skiing

Fucking A1. You should try it. I'm better with skis than board. I'm not cool. Fuck who cares.

I've done loads of shit while I've been away. I had Christmas too

I'm tired. I'll tell you other shit some time soon.

Ta

2004-10-01T22:10:00.000+01:00

Yah, so I'm still breathing.

Check this shit - this is what's been on since.

1 - Two weeks with Girly in Greece - FUCK yeah
2 - Moved in with Girly over two weeks
3 - Sorting my shit out

I'm the fucking move expert by now. Serious.

All my fucking pictures have disappeared. I can't believe this shit. So fucked up. I took the piss a little I guess....fuckers changed all the urls.

B I T C H E S.

So on hols with my girly, I saw so many nice pairs of tits that I couldn't comment on. Fucking bummer.

So word is I'm off to Ireland until next fucking week. Eat me, I'll be at home with my mam, dad, and bro.

Ta

2004-08-27T22:14:00.000+01:00

Where's the love song?
To set us free
Too many people down
Everything turning the wrong way around
And I don't know what love will be
But if we start dreaming now
Lord knows we'll never leave the clouds

And you've been so busy lately
that you haven't found the time
To open up your mind
And watch the world spinning gently out of time

Feel the sunshine on your face
It's in a computer now
Gone are the future, way out in space

And you've been so busy lately
that you haven't found the time
To open up your mind
And watch the world spinning gently out of time

And you've been so busy lately
that you haven't found the time
To open up your mind
And watch the world spinning gently out of time
Tell me I'm not dreaming but are we out of time?
(We're) out of time

Out of time
Out of time
Out of time
Out of time

2004-08-25T23:35:00.000+01:00

Sublime

Just fucking sublime. It's well worth it.

I'm moving in a few weeks. Come to my get drunk, new house party.

Ta

2004-08-23T16:52:00.000+01:00

Yeah, so people can take themselves just too fucking seriously. Take me, I'm fucking A1 shit-hot-Fonzy. I don't care much about most stuff, and my best friend is a Tennessee Sour Mash Whiskey. Sometimes, you just got to love blue stuff because it's blue, and not hate it because it's not red. You get it.

If you drive, try this. Next journey you make that's over 30 minutes long, drive in the slowest lanes, and obey EVERY speed limit you see. This shit takes the stress out of driving by so much. So yeah it doubles your journey, but when you get there, you're like a fucking Choc Ice you're so cool.

Be cool to one another.

2004-08-16T22:46:00.000+01:00

So I'm back.

Fuck yeah!

Been ill, went to Turnmills and danced til 5.15, then been on holiday. AWESOME BABY! So Blogging has been completely fucked over.

OK here goes,

Been ill. Not interesting.

Went to Leeds - again. Had the Pizza of my dreams from my old haunt Luckys

Then was on a boat trip where we met Armin, who played later. (He's fucking well famous)

Then, went to Greece with the Zakymac

Stayed here

Got pissed

Met these two ass kicking babes

and these two

Fell asleep with my clothes on

Got up at 4 on one of the days

and had a great time

I'm back now though. For a few weeks at least, then me and my girly are off for two weeks of back breaking sunbathing, eating, drinking, and getting down and dirty with each other.

It's fucking hard, but you know, I like to challenge myself.

Big ups to all my massive on the left for their efforts at driving the wet white underbelly of the web while I've been busy, I'll take up some of the slack now.

George Bush, legend - Right click and 'save as' [1.1mb]

I'm brown, and bad.

2004-07-22T17:46:00.000+01:00

Why do cough medicine bottles always get sticky. That sucks big time.

My guts are being coughed to death. So much so that I'm sure my cough muscle must be fucking enormous now.

However, I managed to do 2 endurance races on Gran Turismo 3. One took 1hr 39 minutes, and the other took about 2½ hours. So what a great day considering.

My car is gonna cost £300 to fix.

I'm sick and skint.

2004-07-22T00:16:00.000+01:00

So wow, fuck me. What a week I've had.

No posts shows the shit man.

I was up in Glorious Manchester all weekend. Check it, I took my girly up to see her friend, and I saw my buddy elsewhere in Manchester - caught up with stuff, and drank beer.

This was on the Friday night. Saturday night, girly says "Yo, what about you two coming over here, we're having a party at friends house because another chick (housemate) is having her birthday". We were there in like 40 minutes. So what we had was a room full of chicks, and just me and my buddy representing true testosterone. Hell I wanted to just fix all the broken stuff in the house I was so blokified. So yeah that was a real score.

Next thing were some cool bars in Manchester, and hey Presto, what do you know... I can't help it if I'm a fascinating, sexy guy.

We went on to the fuck-yeah coolest club I've ever seen. The music was the best funk I've ever heard.

I had my ear licked by this gay dude which was kind of unpleasant. Though slick as fuck, I made it look like nothing had happened, and no one was any the wiser. I had no idea - but should have realised by the way he was clinging like fuck to me.

And on the way out, I found some Lesbians! AWESOME. I tried so hard to get them to kiss, and this is the best I did,

Even with sweatpatches the size of my head, I still had the chicks begging for coverage,

On the way back, this dude sang to us

Next thing though, I go to work Monday, and that's it. Slam. I'm down with some cough cold crap.

So here I am, with all this shit.

and I feel like fucking death.

Someone write to me please before I have to eat another fucking orange.

2004-07-15T00:04:00.000+01:00

So fuck me, Saturday was a SCORE. It's taken me this long to post, as I've been so overwhelmed.

We started out all fucking cool and such

But things just went fucking haywire, and we got STEAMED.

By then, the famous Evo Dance Moves has drawn a MASSIVE crowd of adoring fans..

We got more wasted

But I kept my cool

So yeah, an AWESOME night. Great shit. good beer, and some quality fucking moves. EvoFlash rocks!

So the DotCom thing
====================

I'm not yet decided. I've done a layout, and I remembering all the old crap about layouts and stuff. Blogger is SO much easier. I'm thing that I may end up setting up a simple (crap) forwarding system at EvoFlash.com.

Kopout, but I love to blog when BEERED THE FUCK up.

I went to see the nurse today to register with my local doctors. When I went in this HOT chick was there. She was so fine I nearly ate my own ear. In fact, she looked like a statue. You know, those beautiful ones that are so perfect they're clearly not real. Well Fuck Me. I saw a statue move today. So anyway, I saw her. Then I went to the nurse who took my blood pressure. She was like "Oh my God, your blood pressure is SO high. We should test it again in a few minutes, as the Doctor visit may have agitated you." Like fuck YEAH! Ten minutes later, when fat ugly nurse syndrom set in, my blood pressure was a sub fucking zero level.

Shit man. That just stokes me right up.

Tell me more about the dotcom thing. Leave me a comment, even if you're not a webmaster, I'm in a state of mental blog limbo, and need some public opinion to drive upon.

2004-07-10T20:27:00.000+01:00

No, you can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometime,
You just might find
You get what you need

2004-07-10T20:14:00.000+01:00

Tonight is set to be a big one.

I've had a haircut.

I've had a wash.

And I'm fucking thirsty.

So there.

Was out last night also, but that wasn't a massive, it was more of a Friday's a cool night to have a beer or two, and such like.

Going for beers on a Friday is like that really.

Thing about Fridays is, you fucking need to do a Monday to Friday job to REALLY fucking love them. Otherwise, you just never quite get it the same. I had some time off work a few years back, I was basically sat on my arse for four weeks. I lost Fridays. I was so upset I fucking went back to work. No shit.

Friday really is that important.

If you don't know what the fuck I mean, go and get a fucking job.

I'm still not decided on the dotcom thing, see the post below.

2004-07-08T22:19:00.000+01:00

I have my own dotcom, and I don't use it.

I can't tell if that's lame or fucking A.

Please write to me or leave a comment and tell me what you think.

Honestly.

Thanks.

Merks Sheds kill me.

2004-07-07T22:22:00.000+01:00

I got a new bed today. How fucking cool is that.

I sacrificed the draws underneath so that I could go to King Size. I reckon I deserve it. I've worked so hard on this site, on my pub trips, and on general coolness, that I need to stretch out and live like a King. Mind you, it's a bit high. I'll probably end up with some type of fucking altitude sickness or some shit like that.

I havent quite figured out how to stop the matress moving which is a real fucking bummer. Send me your advice please.

I reckon I need one of the bottom cover things. I haven't the faintest idea what it is, or how much one will be.

Fuck it. It's a bed. I love it, but it isn't really a lifestyle statement now is it.

Ages ago I got a wireless optical mouse.

If you don't have one of these, you need to get one NOW.

I just can't face those other fuckhead mice. You know, the ones you have to clean, and the cable and so on, ad fucking infinto. Just spend the cash, do it. You will not be sorry.

While I mention it, I'm selling this. If you buy it, and mention blogspot, I'll knock 5% off. I'm fucking generous like that.

I have nothing further to talk about now. I'm going to have a Jack Daniels before bed.

Except to read Stavros

2004-07-07T12:24:00.000+01:00

So I went to the Formula 1 London parade yesterday.

Fuck me, it was amazing.

Mayoor has kindly hosted some movie footage

Ferrari Drive by (a bit crap) [1.3Mb]
Just amazing. Well worth watching [4.2Mb]
The chick with the walk [769k]

So yeah thanks dude.

We started as early as possible, and got beers flowing

My Jordan day got off to a great start when we hit upon their car at a stand in some crappy shop

I also found a "Jordan Scooter", but wasn't allowed to drive it - fuckers.

Then the drivers came along and signed my shirt.

How fucking smug do I look.

Then it was dinner and more beers

Then it was showtime. Which was awesome.

Feds were everywhere, but nevermind, I guess my tax has to go somewhere.

A superb day. Finished off with several LARGE beers, and a Pizza.

God I fucking love myself so much.

If you're a London Blogger, you should get your arse to Leytonstone O'Neills on Saturday night. Jack Daniels is visiting.

2004-07-05T19:18:00.000+01:00

So my drinking buddy Mayoor finally got his ass a website. Good fucking work son.

Today, it's all about you.

Yours has been a lager fountain of knowledge the I have drunk from many, many times, and now it is time for the rest of the world to reap the benefits that I have so long enjoyed.

It's a tough call being such a cool web bastard like me, and I know that sometimes you'll just want to throw it all in. But you got to look deep within yourself and say "No, the fucking world deserves me".

I suggest a celebration on Saturday night. The George in Wanstead is as a good a starting place as any I know, and perhaps we should journey on to O'Neills in Leytonstone. Maybe we'll see you out. Me, Mayoor and Jack have lots to discuss.

It's only just begun.

2004-07-04T22:19:00.000+01:00

This dude lost me my Euro 2004 bet. 360 bucks....gone.

Do me a favour, recognise him, then if you see him smack him with a fucking lump hammer in the knee.

If you watched the game, and had money on his bullshit team, you'll know why.

Nevermind eh.

Sometimes I think about shit like Karma and that. Mostly I believe it's bollocks. Never forget I'm an engineer, so in this respect, I arrive at the bullshit definition, as I can derive no framework for the process of Karma. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of it, and I'm like "Fuck me, that's karma dude.". But then I remember the percentages. You see, with percentages, shit happens.

Example - Some time in your life you will, or will have spilt a jar of chilli powder into your cooking.

Example - Some other time in your life, you will burn yourself on an iron.

Percentages say to me that those things are fucking rare. Just about every day I wake up, walk around then go to bed and those things haven't happened. But then, percentages. Aka Karma. I fucking ruin my tea, or I burn my fucking foot. People call that shit Karma, and I think that's wrong.

It's the fucking percentages.

You see, the house always wins.

Always.

2004-07-02T10:35:00.000+01:00

Complete success in my efforts to get shitfaced. I'm at home now. Ill.

The back of my throat seems to have collapsed. Very odd.

Last night,

went for beer and mixed grill

Very nice thank you.

Then all of a sudden Jack Daniels turned up, and I wasn't drinking beer any more.

My drinking buddy slowly degraded...

Once we got back home we were both like "Fuck this need more Jack". I hate to be a bad host,

Getting drunk is always great value for money. I did spot the worlds worst builders arse. Check this

I nearly saw my dinner again.

So I'm going back to bed now. I'd like all women to wear this please. If you have one, can you put it on, and send me a pic of it. Only if you're a fucking chick though. I don't want to see a fucking one eyed monster dangling out the bottom.

So yeah, thanks in advance for those.

Ta.

2004-07-01T19:30:00.000+01:00

I'm off out on the lash tonight, but I'm fucking knackered.

Look how tired those eyes are. I've got to fucking give myself a break. Lucky then that I've got two sunshine holidays lined up in August and September then eh.

August sees me somewhere warm. Not decided yet. I'll be off on a boys week - maybe Spain, maybe Greece. I don't know. September sees me spending two weeks with my girly in Greece.

Fuck Yeah.

I don't know whether I should be drinking Jack, or Landlord tonight. My life is so fucking tough. I need to share this problem, as I feel the weight of this decision is too much to bear.

Anti wrote some shit about doing nothing being amazing, and I've found like five people who agree. I've only told five people about it. While I'm linking, Yorkshire Soul has said some true words about a terrible, terrible person. Alan Smith.

I can't talk about it anymore.

I am a little concerned that I'm turning into a fucking chick. Check out my clothes and shoes

Fucked up.

Tonight I intend to get shitfaced. Maybe I can manage a half day tomorrow. Dunno. Got to see how work goes. I need a lot of sleep this weekend, but I feel perhaps I won't fucking get it.

Portugal in the final. I got 360 bucks coming my way (that's English Pounds) if they win. COME THE FUCK ON you Portuguese fuckers.

Right.

Bye.

2004-06-30T18:26:00.001+01:00

Internet shit

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.

'Unscrew the remaining bolts while supporting the alternator from underneath.'

God I'm fucking cool.

New trainers bought on ebay when shitfaced rock. I'm not angry. Just shattered.

I'm gonna have some Jack tonight. Come on Portugal.

2004-06-30T00:10:00.001+01:00

mmmmmm Landlord beer.

My favourite. And Guinness too.

Pubs are great fun. I need to control the gamble habit. Reigned it in a little. Not enough though.

I must sleep.

2004-06-27T15:21:00.000+01:00

I'm an amazing driver. There's no two ways about it. I just kick ass on the road. Never, EVER get in my way.

I advocate a national minumum speed limit of 70mph.

This made me buy

this...

Not bad I guess.

2004-06-24T22:49:00.000+01:00

Baby, I'm Your Man

For a limited period only.

Keith Richards - eat your heart out.